This is my final week of maternity leave. I cannot believe after all the waiting and counting down of pregnancy that we are already at this point. Seriously all that crazy happened 11 weeks ago. Because we live in a country that boasts “family values” and yet makes no attempt to join every other country to have some kind of maternity AND paternity leave that would actually be family centered I go back to work a short 12 weeks (8 weeks of which was my sick and vacation time and 4 weeks was totally unpaid…yes I work for an expensive private institution that unless you pay into short term disability for a full year you get nothing for having a child….ok, I’m not going to go down this ranty road) after having The Rock.
And it’s hard.
I like my job. I like my boss. I am excited to see what the next year in physics brings for me.
But that doesn’t make it easy.
To start with…the feedings. Pumping sucks my ass. I mean I really hate it and compounded with the fact that I’m not very good at it makes it all the more difficult. Yes I should have practiced more while I was on leave but you know what’s easy? Breastfeeding. Especially my kid (Lucy was the same way), he’s fast and efficient and while he’s a bit of a maniac I think he enjoys it….well maybe he just enjoys the food part of it….anyways, my point is pumping is a pain and breast feeding is easy. But I’ll get into a rhythm like I did with Lucy and it will become less hateful.
I haven’t done as much on this leave as I did with Lucy. I don’t know why, I mean by the end of this week I want all my pictures organized and uploaded to my photo server and maybe I can put some pictures together for his baby book. But all those things that I was going to rock while I was on leave? Um. Seriously what the hell have I been doing? Two kids are harder than one and I get that…except Lucy is in daycare so it’s not like I have her here all day. Am I that lame?
We are lucky because my dad will watch him while I’m at work, and I am going to try and work it so I can work one or two days a week from home as we make the transition. This morning I was trying to come up with a schedule not only for days I’ll be at Northwestern vs at home vs at Fermilab, but for those days what will the timing of things be? Again having the older kid makes this harder. With Lucy it was just ok let’s go to work at 8:30, and now it’s like ok, wait we have to take Lucy into school and pick her up and that takes some time.
Damn you WordPress. Just deleted the last bit I wrote here.
Ok, I started this post yesterday morning and I’m just finishing it this afternoon.
I’m going to miss my little man and our days together. But I know that we are a strong family. We have a strong support system with my dad and stepmom here. And so I know we will get into a two kid + two working parents rhythm and it will become the norm, but getting there will be tough. And thus we move to the next phase.